The Enigma of Childhood: The Profound Impact of the First Years of Life on Adults as Couples and Parents, by Ronnie Solan
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The Enigma of Childhood: The Profound Impact of the First Years of Life on Adults as Couples and Parents, by Ronnie Solan
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The Enigma of Childhood traces how early psychic development from birth up to three years is reflected throughout the lifespan, including adulthood, couplehood and parenthood. The inner child reverberating within us--thus present in our ongoing interactions with others--often colors and guides our current experiences, whether with our life partner or children, and as psychotherapists, with our patients.The author’s primary aim is to familiarize the reader with her innovative idea of the emotional immune system managed by a healthy narcissism and operating via the inner reverberations of hidden childhood narratives. Our sense of familiar self is accordingly consolidated and immuned to the invasion by foreign sensations.Thus, the author attempts to familiarize the reader with the child concealed within, who is understood to represent the sum of memory traces of early life experiences, abstracted, condensed and echoing within our mind/body, a child who is an integral part of our psyche. These childhood resonances are present in our ongoing interactions with others, and often color and guide our current experiences, whether with our life partner or children, and as psychotherapists, with our patients. The Enigma of Childhood looks at early psychic development in the oral and anal stages, and how this influences the baby’s evolution along a normal or pathological developmental track. This includes the formative events in the life of the child, the parents’ influence on his or her relative progress and emotional development, and insight into general principles or directives guiding parent-child relationships. References to world literature, and clinical vignettes taken from the author’s perceptive observations and dynamic treatments, are used to illustrate her theoretical innovations regarding healthy narcissism, her conceptualization of jointness as a key facet of object relations and of the art of couplehood, and her original and creative account of the ego’s mechanisms of adaptation and defense.
The Enigma of Childhood: The Profound Impact of the First Years of Life on Adults as Couples and Parents, by Ronnie Solan- Amazon Sales Rank: #1392101 in Books
- Published on: 2015-09-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 1.10" h x 6.10" w x 9.10" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 418 pages
Review "The Enigma of Childhood is a profound and fascinating journey into the depths of the child’s psyche, the course of his emotional and personality development, and the formative relationships that touch us all. A warm and heartening book." (Amos Oz, novelist, journalist, and professor of literature at Ben-Gurion University, Israel)"Readers of this book will benefit from Ronnie Solan’s journey in and out of many doors. She has taken on the difficult task of attempting a synthesis of the classical structures of psychoanalytic and object relations theory with multiple other theoretical systems. This book will challenge you as it gives you new information about what each partner brings to their intimate relationships." (Vernon C. Kelly, Jr., MD, Co-Founder and Chairman Emeritus)"Enriched by contemporary neurobiological findings, Solan elaborates the deepest conceptualisation of the several narcissistic dimensions that enable ego development and the maintenance of jointness-separateness – emphasizing especially the narcissistic envelope and autoimmune functions and the ‘befriending’ of otherness – and their role in balancing the inherent stresses of object relationships; all crucial for understanding child development, couples in relation, and the interpretive process." (Moshe Halevi Spero, PhD, Professor and Director, The Postgraduate Program of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, School of Social Work)
From the Author The Enigma of Childhood Ronnie Solan I would like to invite you to delve right in and explore the enigma of the art of couplehood and happiness. You may find you are one of those people who succeed in the practice of this universal art, or alternatively, discover you may resist it, unwittingly blemishing or spoiling your relationships with your children or spouse, or even with your coworkers, when part of a team. Almost all of us enjoy love relations. Repeatedly, we feel that love is bonding us. On occasion, it may be a play, a discussion or a professional interest that brings us together with others of a similar persuasion. Such relationships seem very banal and easy to create. In my book, however, I wish to elucidate why it is so complicated to maintain a satisfying relationship, and how couplehood is an art, which, starting in infancy between parents and children, continues throughout life in numerous shapes and variations. What is it that arises in the mind of each of the partners, each a separate individual who, similar to their partner in some essential ways of being, nonetheless remains so very different? Partners may have a common desire to come together, yet each has secret yearnings foreign to their partner. Each hopes to fulfill his own familiar 'brand' of bonding in the relationship, often forgetting that his (or her) partner comes equipped with other nuances of bonding that may guide their needs. Thus, each is attracted to the familiar aspects he sees in his or her partner, yet resists their otherness. How can we safeguard our relationships, even though the sense of strangeness hurts? How will we manage to maintain an emotional balance between proximity with our partners, and alertness toward their otherness, the sense of strangeness they evoke? This is the main dilemma and enigma we face. When safely ensconced in our self-space, each of us tends to restore his/her self-familiarity-space of separateness. Sometimes, we remain 'stuck' in our sense of injury, perhaps blaming the other for our pains or experiencing them as a stranger or even monster. Alternatively, although flooded by painful feelings of strangeness, we may nonetheless choose to reconcile and renovate the basic love relations we enjoyed. But for a 'tango' to ensue, both partners must be able to renew their communication, allow mutual love refueling, and forgo their injuries. Whenever our child spontaneously approaches us to refuel love, we are delighted. The small child does not wait for his parent to decipher his need for refueling, he is going to get it! After a while, he or she resumes their activity, confident they can return for more refueling. When an adult dares express his (or her) normal desire to be refueled by love, he is often inhibited, fears being emotionally vulnerable, perhaps even mocked or shamed, as he waits for his partner to decipher his needs and 'prove' his love. What a paradox! If only we could let the hidden child within us show us how simple it is to refuel our love! It is so challenging to 'immune' the happiness and love and preserve it, so easy to destroy it, due to an intolerance of otherness. The art of couplehood relies on an incessant process of refining and taming, fueling and refueling, re-joining in partnership and separating from jointness. I differentiate between healthy and pathological narcissism by the capacity (or lack thereof) to preserve, restore and re-stabilise one's sense of one's familiarity self, as well as to restore the familiarity of one's partners and of one's relationships with them. But how does narcissism work? I imagine that most of us may easily admit how much we are attracted to the familiar and appreciate it, and conversely, being alerted to, and tending to resist that which we find strange. We generally consider narcissistic injuries, on their pejorative significance or pathological side. However, in Enigma, I try to illuminate these emotional reactions in a new light of psychic health--which I refer to as healthy narcissism. The baby preserves his self-space familiarity and separateness, while cathecting some figures (e.g., mother, father, siblings) as familiar non-selves with whom he is joining in a virtual shared space.How do I view the similarities between biological and narcissistic/emotional immune and auto-immune systems, you may wonder. The biological immunologist defines the job of the immune system as that of safeguarding the code of the human cell's protein as familiar and constant, and of identifying foreign invaders with a different protein code (which may endanger the integrity of body cells) so as to block them (Dannenberg & Shoenfeld 1991). The concept of autoimmunity is regarded as the inability of the immune system to distinguish between self and non-self (George, Levy & Shoenfeld, 1996). As an analyst, I was stimulated for many years to investigate the contribution of narcissism to the child's emotional development. One of my main theoretical contributions in Enigma pertains to my considering narcissism as an innate emotional immune system mobilised for preserving the familiar sense of the self, that is, the code of the human self-space as part of the familiar and constant self (Solan, 1988, 1999). Narcissism operates through the principles of attraction to the familiar and the resisting of any alien stimuli, seen as strangeness, non-self or otherness, all of which challenge the familiarity of the self. Narcissism is also programmed, in my view, to befriend hints of familiarity concealed in the non-self otherness and in strangeness, and subsequently to 'load' it as familiar non-self (like with parents, spouses, friends etc.). In my book, I have tried also to take a fresh look at the functioning of the ego, including the important distinction between the regulatory characteristics of mechanisms of adaptation and defence.Each of us contains within himself the sum of layers of memory traces composed of narratives from significant relations dating from different stages of development, some of them conscious and others unconscious, some constructive, and others destructive. Ever since I've conceptualised how healthy narcissism operates, the proposed differences between the ego's adaptation and defence mechanisms, and jointness-separateness object relations, my clinical work has improved greatly. I've realised that my interventions are better able to touch upon my patients' conscious and unconscious emotional experiences and feelings. Especially, such interpretations can help them acknowledge and befriend their true self, disclose their hidden positive childhood narrative, which may have been blocked by resonations of destructive memory traces that interfered with their love relations and impeded their spontaneous happiness. Moreover, their sense of separateness, their decision-making process regarding their work, and the reconciliation with the otherness of their dear ones, as well as their participation in the art of couplehood, has noticeably improved. Following this introduction to The Enigma of Childhood, I invite the reader to discover for him or herself the secret door provided in my book, which may lead to the solving of some of the enigma, perhaps by acknowledging that the capacity to be happy and loved depends, inter alia, on our ability to tolerate the otherness of our partners.
From the Back Cover 'The Enigma of Childhood is a profound and fascinating journey into the depths of the child'spsyche, the course of his emotional and personality development, and the formative relationshipsthat touch us all. A warm and heartening book.'--Amos Oz, novelist, journalist, and professor of literature at Ben-Gurion University, Israel***Ronnie Solan's The Enigma of ChildhoodMany years ago, a colleague of mine, commenting on the insular nature of the thinking of many psychologists, noted that when a psychology graduate student enters the field, she or he proceeds down a hallway off of which there are thirteen or so doors. Once one picks a door to enter, they seldom if ever venture outside for the remainder of their career. Readers of The Enigma of Childhood are the beneficiaries of Ronnie Solan's journey in and out of many doors. She has taken on the difficult task of attempting a synthesis of the classical structures of psychoanalytic and object relations theory with multiple other theoretical systems, including the innovative, biologically-based theories of affect and emotion put forward by American psychologist and philosopher Silvan S. Tomkins. Whether she succeeds in this complex undertaking is up to the reader to decide. However, scholars and therapists interested in the psychological complexity of child development and its subsequent impact on intimate, interpersonal relationships would do well to not ignore the theoretical conclusions of someone with Ronnie's broad academic background, teaching experience and extensive psychoanalytic practice working with children, adults and couples. She is an original thinker who has added her voice to those of the most important child development theorists of the past century, including Spitz, Piaget, Winnicott, Bowlby, Erikson, Anna and Sigmund Freud, Kohut, Mahler, and Stern, amongst others. Of particular interest to couples' therapists and theoreticians is that The Enigma of Childhood "highlights the unconscious emotional checks and balances that are first formed during the oral and anal stages and then accompany us throughout life--whenever individuals...are involved in a relationship...." She describes how shame may be activated in a couple over the exposure by one or the other of such oral stage phenomena as neediness and dependency or over the appearance of anal stage issues such as the need for control, mastery or obsessive-compulsive behaviors. This is, however, but a small fragment in an impressive undertaking that presents multiple perspectives on how the child hidden within us reflects our childhood experiences, not unlike, as she says, "a Russian babushka doll." Readers are hereby warned, this babushka doll has more levels than most. It will challenge you as it gives you more and new information about what each partner brings to their intimate relationships.Vernon C. Kelly, Jr., M.D.Wyndmoor, Pennsylvania, USAJanuary 2014Author of "The Art of Intimacy and the Hidden Challenge of Shame" Co-Editor, The Psychology of Emotion in Restorative Practice: How Affect Script Psychology Explains How and Why Restorative Practice Works. Co-Founder and Chairman Emeritus, The Tomkins Institute: Applied Studies in Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition. --This text refers to the Digital edition.***'Enriched by contemporary neurobiological findings, Solan elaborates the deepestconceptualisation of the several narcissistic dimensions that enable ego development and the maintenance of jointness-separateness - emphasizing especially the narcissistic envelope and
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