My Monster, by David Darmstaedter
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My Monster, by David Darmstaedter
Ebook PDF Online My Monster, by David Darmstaedter
Dave - an ex model, ex-porn actor and ex-junkie- struggles to stay straight and raise his 13-year-old son after his wife's tragic death, all the while fighting off his own inner demons that have one thing in mind: to drag him back into the depths of addiction hell until he, himself, dies.
My Monster, by David Darmstaedter- Amazon Sales Rank: #3024833 in Books
- Published on: 2015-05-27
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 11.00" h x .93" w x 8.50" l, 2.10 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 412 pages
Where to Download My Monster, by David Darmstaedter
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. In the tradition of Miller, Bukowski, Christiane F... By Stephen Marshall there is a literary tradition that bends toward the self-destroyer. whether that is the pursuit of protagonists into the hell of their immolating soul. or out from that place into moments of resurrection. you know them. whether its Bukowski, Camus, or Christiane F. whether it's all true or riddled with lies, they make great reading for the experientialist who wants to live in a deathwishist's skin.i have read a lot of these books throughout my life. probably starting with the early Balzac editions from La Comédie Humaine, and most specifically, the insanely tragic Lost Illusions. i even remember standing at the book stall in a Barnes and Noble one afternoon and reading the entirety of Slash's bio in one go. it was epic.and so it goes that people we meet in our lives have lived these thousand deaths. and some of them, also, have the humility, courage, and poeticism to write about it. and some even do it well. one of these walks among us.Dave Darmstaedter was a high-level male model who descended into wild and brutalizing drug use until he was dropped by his agents and agencies and forced to take work in the porn industry to keep his habits enthroned. but the story begins, and ends, with his life as a recovering addict and single father in Hollywood during the 90's. it's dark, tragic, funny, and ultimately viscerally real. there is hope here, but it comes in small envelopes. here's a taste:"I look out of the window over the sink. The moon is still out. It's that time, seconds before dawn when it's still dark but you can see things better than the dead of night. I get a view even if it is over the top of the buildings in back of ours, through black telephone cable wires and satellite dishes. I can see the tops of the palm trees that line Beechwood Street. The long hanging palms look black. Better than the sick green look they have in the light of day. I've been to Hawaii. I've seen healthy palm trees with rich green palms hanging. I think about how I used to go to Hawaii from New York and kick heroin on my way to Japan to clean up for those forty thousand dollar a month modeling contracts in the eighties. Four rough days curled up in a Wakiki Hotel then gradually making my way back into the sun; going to beaches all over the Island, swimming, snorkeling, surfing, getting all tan and healthy.I wash the dishes and watch the black sky turn orange and blue in the sunrise. I feel a soothing warmth come over my body as I give myself to the sky. I'm in it. In the sky. In the world. In the universe. Melting. Magic. Power. God. The dishes done with a smile. Easy. Sweet. Brief reprieves that keep my monster mind at bay."the fact that the book is now available on Kindle for $3.99 is its own kind of fiction. because we have now arrived at a place in the digital economy where these experiences can be had for so little that we kind of lose a sense of their traction in the world. that they are real, that they have value for us. i highly recommend the book. not because it will drop you to the floor. or tell you things you've never heard before. it has not been written for that sensationalist feedback loop. no, i have this one in my shelf because it is the profound artifact of a life lived in the face of punishing humiliation and redeeming self-objectification.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. A RAW, POWERFUL AND DARK-HEARTED MIRACLE By Jerry Stahl I don't trust anybody who hasn't been to hell, and David Darmstaedter got his passport stamped there early and often. That he survived his own life is remarkable enough, that he managed to turn the whole crawl over broken glass into the festival of pain, drugs, sex, madness, heart and - yes - genuine, soul-searing beauty that fills My Monster stands out as a miracle of a whole other order. In a world of faux-badass, Look-At-Me, I'm-Damaged! tomes of one-downsmanship and front, Darmstaedter stands as that most exotic of authors: the real goddamn thing. By the time you finish this book, you won't just want to tell you'll friends, you'll be ripping strangers out of their cars and shoving copies into their hands, screaming at them through foam-flecked lips to just shut up and read it. I really loved this book.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful. nicbooklover By nicbooklover This a beautiful story of the truth of what lives in the heart of a single father trying to take care of his son while in his own emotional struggles. Dave's honest and melodically expressive voice reverberates what so many people really feel, but never have to courage to say. He allows the reader into what goes on inside him, his thoughts, his fears, his hopes, his lack of hope, his needs... without holding anything back. In this book we travel into his mind and his life in LA, moment by moment as he searches deep inside himself to overcome things he feels incapable of conquering... the writing is so human, so raw and so filled with a uniquely honest voice, you will want more and always remember after reading. It is the greatest art that takes the risk to tell the truth of the human soul, and Dave's book is a living testament to this truth, to this humanity that only great artists can dig up. As he plunges into himself he uncovers the depths of man. For those lucky enough to have experienced Dave's live readings of the book, there was always an evoking of so many emotions, his journey goes from a kind of twisted humour, to sadness, to joy, to hope, when he thinks there's none left... People are on the edges of their seats whilst they hear Dave's inner life... even through his sometimes anger, there is such undeniable love. In this unpretentious confessional approach to literature it makes one think of their own lives and thankfully there is such an artist as Dave Darmstaedter, to get under his skin and theirs. I highly recommend this special and precious book, and all it's secrets, and all it's soul.
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